From someone who has spent the last two weeks binge watching season after season of Grey’s Anatomy, I know how incredibly easy it is for television shows and other media outlets to give us these high expectations of relationships and finding our soul mates. We root for certain couples to stay together, and others to break up because we cannot turn a blind eye to the fact they would be better suited with someone else. As we become emotionally invested and wrapped up in these fictional characters, we spend our time trying to find the Derek to our Meredith or even the Topanga to our Cory. We then begin to settle, because we strive to feel a connection with someone like what we feel from these characters. We know that we should never settle for less than we deserve, but we just do. We do this because we are hoping we can turn it into our own real life love story. If you are dating someone who is guilty of any of the warning signs I am about to list, highly consider walking away. From experience, do this before you are stuck in a doomed relationship that you cannot seem to get yourself out of. Do not miss out on your real happy ending.
- They speak badly about their previous ex or exes, especially if it is in great detail and out of the blue. Don’t you find it strange for them to bring up the past if you are not even asking about it in the first place? This simply shows that they are not over how everything had ended regarding their previous relationship. More than likely, they still need time to move forward from it all. Do not allow yourself to be the rebound. Gain some self respect.
- They do not like being “too public” with the relationship that you two share. This goes from social media, to walking along busy streets. Why would you ever want to carry on with someone who wants to hide you or keep you a secret anyway? There is no excuse for such behavior. Find someone who is going to show you off as you are rightfully entitled to be.
- They do not answer your texts or calls for hours. It is one thing if they are busy, but to be constantly ignored by them and not have a reasoning as to why is unacceptable– especially if you always catch them spending too much time on their phone when you two actually are together. Do not tolerate the mistreatment because you’re only going to overthink the situation and continue assuming the worst possible scenarios.
- When they do something wrong, they somehow manage to turn it into your fault. Never let someone put the blame on you on like that. For instance, if they tell you they cheated on you because you were smothering them entirely too much. You are not the problem here, they are. “Throughout my last relationship, I let my ex treat me wrong over and over again because I was more afraid of being alone than being mistreated.” –Matt Salvitti, a 20 year old student from Camden County College
- They hardly devote themselves to you, even when you ask. Why would you ever waste your time when there is someone out there willing to give you all the time in the world? Life is too short to spend it unhappy. Do not spend your college career chasing some dud who is only there when you are convenient for them. You are much more than a 3AM, drunken text message. I have a good friend of mine in this exact situation right now and as I keep telling her, move on to bigger and better opportunities.
- They do not introduce you to their friends or family after a respected amount of time. (BIG red flag over here) As stated above, you deserve to be shown off and treated like the prized possession that you are. When you are truly overjoyed to officially be with someone, you want them to meet everyone you possibly know. You want to refer to them as your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
- They manage to make your confidence fall in any way, shape, or form. No, just no. This is being done on purpose. When you are weak and choose not to be confident in yourself, it is easier to be manipulated by another individual and for them to take advantage of you.
- They try and dictate your every move. (what you wear, who you go out with, etc.) Your partner should not be trying to order you around, but be accepting of who you already are. If someone is attempting to change your entire demeanor and turn you into this person you’re clearly not, then it is obvious you do not belong together.
- They claim they are unsure about the two of you and what your future entails. But, they are not giving you any reason as to why or do not want to talk about it. Now this is a given. Communication, communication, communication. I do not need to say much more. Without that, your relationship is a goner from the start. You deserve answers and if you’re not getting them, something’s gotta give.
If the person you are dating continuously lies to you, hurts you both emotionally or physically, and makes you cry more than you laugh– run and run like hell. Lose the mindset that they are going to turn themselves around. Some people are poison and they will destroy you, just like the writer’s of these television shows destroy realism. But, if you ask me, what is real here and actually exists is the idea that there is someone out there for everyone. You will find someone a million times better who will love you to the moon and back. You know being involved in situations like this is not the route to love or happiness. It is nothing other than a one-sided, distorted relationship. So, pull the plug early and make it easy on yourself. Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. One day, in due time, you will discover the individual who completes that love story of yours and they will finally turn that fictional world of yours into non-fiction.
“At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes — all you need is one.” -One Tree Hill